Alright look guys. the past few months have been an epic battle for me, emotionally and physically. I have had 3 bad relationships since November. I have been really torn down cause of em. But things really aren't getting better.

First off, I'm on a new anti depressant, which I'm also a smoke which does the same thing as anti depressants, and then I'm also on diet pills which again do the same thing, Raise seritonin levels and effect the dopamine in your brain, also with my already bad affliction with Insomnia which is now much worse cause of all the pills I have no good sleep. I'm pretty much on low grade speed.

Last night I had a fucking ridiculous fight with my ex in which he considered me a liar and a fucked up person. Thank allot for standing by my side as a friend. Sadly hes the type to make himself the victim all the time and so theres no point in even trying to get any understanding from the guy. ANYWAYS

Last night was really bad, I was having bad anxiety attacks due to lack of sleep and I was in a good mood but that was from the med.s cause in real life I would have been in a ball crying. So I felt like I couldn't even let my self feel sad, which most of you people would think 'thats a good thing right?' No I felt trapped in my own body. I ended up taking 2 showers and 3 baths yesterday just for the simple fact I didn't know what to do with my self and I had failed at going to sleep about 7 times in 3 different beds. I spent half the night rocking back n forth on my couch while watching family guy, I didn't even notice I was rocking till the commercials came on.


Since November people have kept telling me 'hey things will get better' you know what its fuckin' February and life just keeps on getting shittier and I'm really on the edge of loosing it right now. I can't draw, I can't play guitar, I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant even cry anymore! I'm so fricking done with it all.


And I'm so sick of these mother fucking migraines! Every time I go to the mother fucking doctor they give me some new bullshit pill that might help headaches just to get me out of the office for that day, My body has become immune to 4 different prescription drugs, even after upping the dosage, and I have taken so many over the counter drugs I got to the point were I was taking 12 IBprotrin a day just to kid my self into thinking the damn pain would go away. Any of you who don't know what a real migraine is like, smash your head into a brick wall for a few hours, then poor salt in your eyes and stick some pencils in your ears. Wooo hoo fuckin' fun shiiiiiit! Try having a constant one of those for a few weeks straight and no it doesn't go away at all its constant for weeks at a time.

Don't expect to see much artwork from me soon, I'm not myself anymore. Theres only so much stress one person can take and with no real person to talk to about it I've lost it completely. All my friends are Druggies and fuck up who at the end of the day only care about their fucking next way to get high. I'm sick of being the one who give gives give and never gets even a thanks back.

And for all those people who gave a shit enough to read this fucking thing while I sit over here going through a complete mental breakdown, god bless you, I've waisted enough of your time.